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AGONY ADVICE: Life and love dilemmas answered

COLUMNIST and trained counselor Fiona Caine answer another set of reader dilemmas.

About ten years ago when I was away from college, I had a romantic relationship with one of my fellow students. We were a big item during term time, but every holiday I’d go back to my regular boyfriend, and I think he did the same thing.

Read also: HELP! I’m attracted to an old single friend

My college friend and I broke up before the course ended. I came home and then about eight years ago, I married my original boyfriend. I know he is the love of my life, and we are happy with our two young children.

I have no regrets about my past – I enjoyed my time in college and the college relationship was part of the reason I had such a good time. But the thing is, I never told my boyfriend (now my husband) what I had done while I was away – I never thought it mattered.

During Covid, me and a few of my old college friends started chatting on Zoom and now they have organized a Christmas get-together. My husband is eager to go, but what do I do if my old lover is around? What would happen if he said something inappropriate when he saw me, and even if he didn’t, what would happen if one of my college friends remembered and said something? I would very much like to see everyone again, but I wonder if it would be better not to go at all.

Fiona says: We all have a few structures in the closet

You’ve been able to keep your college life a secret from your husband for 10 years, but I wonder if, while you were away, he might have had relationships that you don’t know about either. I think you really want to go to this reunion – and you might absolutely love the idea of ​​seeing how your lover turned out too!

I think it would be a shame to miss the opportunity to meet old friends, just in case nothing might be said untoward. If you really think there is a chance someone might say something inappropriate to your spouse, perhaps you can test the situation before you go.

lying on my older sister

I only had two friends, both of whom deserted me for my older sister. Once they realized what it was, they moved it as well. It’s really pretty man-attractive, but it’s totally empty, you drink a lot when you go out, and basically becomes a burden!

What can I do to prevent her from doing this to my friends in the future?

Fiona says: Wait for someone who loves you for you

I’m sure it won’t be long before you attract a guy who has enough common sense to see her flaws and, most importantly, your plus points.

Email Fiona at help@askfiona.net for advice.

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